Annoying headline - woman who loses 20 pounds is still single...

1/3/2008

Ok....I admit I read all of my news online. I am a headline watcher.
I love pictures. Give me a good picture, and I'll click on your article.
Give me a good headline, and you've got a 50/50 shot. I love MSN
(they have a great entertainment section) and often times have articles on plus
size fashion.

Today, however, they are on my sh*t list. Why? I circled the
above. What next? Help! I've lost 20 pounds but I'm still
single

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!?! ARE YOU F'N KIDDING ME?!?!

I had to read the article. It is the Ask Lynn section...advice on love.
I am very happily married so it is not very often (i.e. never) that I read these
types of articles, and until today, I didn't even know who Lynn was.
Even when I was single, I doubt I read these articles, but I digress. I'm
sure Lynn is very capable of dispensing advice. She has her own column on
MSN after all.

The article is about a woman named Cynthia who is 45 years old and has never
had a husband (or live in boyfriend). She lost 20 pounds. BRAVO
Cynthia (I say this not sarcastically, but with encouragement. As a plus
size woman, I know the effort it takes to lose 20 pounds.) Cynthia
wants to know how she can meet the man of her dreams.

As you read through the article and advice, it really isn't a focus on the
weight - so why is the headline? Why did MSN have to focus on
the fact that this woman just lose 20 pounds but is STILL LONELY?

Now, I don't know how big this woman was to start with (before her 20 pound
loss), but I don't care. LADIES, I will say this now and I mean it.
THERE ARE TONS OF fantastic, available, attractive, successful, funny, educated,
sexy, single men in this world WHO LOVE curvy women. Yes! Tons.
I promise you. Size 12 or 32+, there are women in that size range
who are probably happy and in love at this very moment. There are women of
that size who date on a regular basis. There are women of that size who
have sex on a regular basis. Gasp. There are women of that size who have
partners in their life who love them completely and wholly and unconditionally.

I own a plus size clothing company so I speak to many plus size women on a
very regular basis. I am a plus size woman. My sisters are plus size
women. I have spoken in depths to many plus size women about the romance
department and the complexities (and wonderfulness) of dating. None of us
has struggled to find dates because of our size. Have we struggled
to find "a good man"? Yes. Who hasn't? (just as men have
struggled to find good women). Is every man attracted to plus size women?
Probably not. Who cares. Are you attracted to every man out there?
Unlikely.

I have had a lot of conversations with single women who say they will start
looking for a relationship after they have lost "x" pounds. It drives me
nuts. If a man doesn't like you now, it is unlikely he will like you "x"
pounds less. If he only likes you when you are "x" pounds less, he's
probably not worth your time. When I say this, I don't mean we shouldn't
all have goals to reach a healthy weight. We should. The men who
love us want us to be healthy, happy and live a long time. What I am
saying here is not to find the ones who only love you when you are thin.
What happens if you get pregnant? What if you gain 5 lbs? 10?
50? What if you get in an accident and another part of your body changes
drastically? Will he leave? You don't want to live your life
paranoid like that.

Not having met Cynthia, I can come up with all kinds of reasons she could be single. Does she smile? Is she a bi*ch? That is the number one reason many women stay single. In my research, I have found that men don't like women who have serious attitude problems. How does she dress? Is she wearing horrible boxy clothes that are unflattering? Does she have manicured nails? A good haircut? Does she have good skin? A little makeup never hurt anyone. How about good hygiene? (men, from what I understand, prefer good hygiene). Does she have a good personality? Is she funny? Is she ambitious? Is she kind? Does she leave the house? We all have that friend who complains that she is single, yet she doesn't go out. When she does, she looks like she's had the flu for 3 weeks straight (by this I mean the look of sweatpants paired with your hair back in a ponytail and no makeup). Newsflash, ladies: Prince Charming is not scouring your neighborhood right now with a glass slipper, about to knock on your door. If he is, it's unlikely to be a wide width shoe, and it's unlikely you'll be in your "princess dress" at that very moment. You probably have to leave your house to meet someone. Yes, there are online personals (I met my husband on matchmaker.com). Yes, there is MySpace. You still have to meet someone face to face at some point.

My advice to the Cynthias of the world is to get a mini-makeover. Find
some new and sexy flattering clothes for that new body. Get a nice
haircut. Go to local events. Ask your friends, "Am I a bi*ch?"
Ask the friend who will tell you the truth. Take a current picture and try
the online personals (and not the free ones you cheapo! Just remember you
get what you pay for). Take a class. Take a hike. Do things
that are outside of the house and make you interact with others. That is
the best way to meet someone, whether it be the man of your dreams or even just
a new friend.

Most importantly, love yourself and your body and never, ever blame your lack
of love on your weight.

About the author



Lisa Toton is co-founder of Curvy Girl Clothing. She lives in Los Angeles, CA
with her husband. When she is not obsessing over plus size fashion, she is
writing sketches (some for Curvy Girl Clothing) or you can see her on stage at
many of the top comedy clubs in the Los Angeles area where she has been
performing as a stand up comedian for a better part of the last decade.

You can contact Lisa at

lisa@curvygirlclothing.com.



About Curvy Girl LLC



Incorporated in 2005, Curvy Girl LLC is a lifestyle company catering to plus
size women. Curvy Girl’s first venture was http://www.curvygirlclothing.com/, an
online boutique taking the plus size fashion industry by storm. We offer fashion
forward trendy styles, in plus sizes (14+). Our flagship retail store opened in
Portland, OR in November 2007!



NOTE: Curvy Girl LLC and Curvy Girl Clothing is not associated with
curvygirl.com.